Welcome to my blog. I have always wanted to write ever since I was knee high to a grasshopper (whatever that is and hey, I am only 5’4 so it isn’t like I am a giant.) I never have. Why? Because of fear. Fear of failure. Fear of what other people would say. Fear of success (uh, yeah, let’s go with that.) Fear that I am not good enough.
Stop the presses! 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but of power and love and of sound judgement…” WOW! He did? So where is all that fear coming from? We all know it… we just don’t talk about it. (I’ll address that in later posts.) But wait… the verse says God gave us the power of sound judgement. Ok, I have to be honest for a moment. I will, at the top of my voice shout the power of my God! I will claim victory over my fear. Let’s chat a moment about this “sound judgement.”
The name of my blog is, “A Mad Princess Saved by Grace.” Let me explain to you why. By the world’s standards and definitions, I am at times, “mad.” I have what is known as Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar 1… not to be confused with Bi-Polar 2… lol. Say that out loud in front of some and they look at me like I have the plague or worse. Maybe they think it is contagious. The stigma associated with mental illness baffles me. If I had heart disease or diabetes no one would blink or think twice but because I’m bi-polar, its like I have to hide it. I can’t go around announcing it. I actually frighten some people when they find out. Really? It does not help that movies portray mental illness in a not so flattering light. They don’t seem to get it right. The media just has to dig until they can label the perpetrator of a crime as suffering from… you fill in the blank. 8 times out 10 you are bound to hear “bi-polar.” Seriously, I can understand why some people have a misunderstanding. It still doesn’t change the fact that ignorance abounds. No, I am not crazy. No, I am not defined by my “condition.”
Am I “Mad?” Webster’s defines mad as: arising from, indicative of or marked by mental disorder – well, check. I am that. “Completely unrestrained by reason and judgement; unable to think in a clear or sensible way” – hmmm, ever seen me when I am manic? Ever seen me when I am depressed? So, technically, I fit that definition, too. “Affected with rabies:” – nope. I do not qualify for that one! “Intensely excited:” well, as you will find out on this blogging journey, my emotions are intense. Again, we have a winner! And finally, “Marked by intense and often chaotic activity:” now, come on. That could describe so many things. But, we are talking about me, right? It is spot on when my moods are cycling. Given all of the above, by definition, I could be classified as “mad.” Thus, I embrace it.
2 Corinthians 6:18 states, “and I will be a Father to you and you will be my sons and daughters says the Lord Almighty.” Galatians 3:26 states, “So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith.” Couple these with Psalm 47:7, “For God is the King of all the earth: sing ye praises with understanding.” 1 Timothy 6:15-16 states, “which God will bring about in his own time – God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord or lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whose no one has seen or can see. To Him be honor and might forever. Amen.” There is more scripture, but taking just these, I can without a doubt state I am a child of God: God is my Father; God is the King of Kings; the daughter of a king is called a princess; therefore, I am a princess.
I am a Christian. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, Jesus Christ died on the cross and He rose from the grave and conquered death. It is because of Him that I have the promise of eternal life. He is the Lord of my life. It is only through Jesus that I am saved. Ephesians 2:8, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” There is no menacing words; I am saved by grace.
It is clear from all of that, I truly am a “Mad Princess Saved by Grace!” And now you know where the name of my blog came from.
But I started off telling you about my fear and questioning the whole “sound judgement” thing. In my Christian walk, I have encountered lots of folks who have offered me advice. Some have told me that being bi-polar is, “all in my head.” Silly, of course it is! Where else would it be? I’ve also heard if I was truly a person a faith, I wouldn’t have this struggle. Uh, faith has nothing to do with it. (we will be addressing that in later posts, too.) Good hearted people of God don’t understand this illness and sometimes will “twist scripture” when trying to “fix” me. My all time favorite is, “Have you prayed about it?” Nope. Thought I would just battle this on my own. Thats where the “sound judgement” part comes in. Being bi-polar, I do not always have a filter over my mouth and I am very sarcastic. My judgement seems to go right out the window in times when my mania or depression or agitation or anxiety is all out of whack. Thats when this mad princess leans the most on her Father. Over the years, I’ve come to realize, that’s how He made me. For me to have true “sound judgement” I have to lean on Him. I wish every one did.
The name of this post is, “Do You See It?” Look at the photo I chose for the cover of the blog. I’d dare say it’s not what the average person would have chosen. I personally love the photo. I took it while on a retreat with some ladies from church. It’s of some ruins down at Ft. Cashwell. One of the things a manic mind affords me is a different way of looking at things. At first glance, the photo looks like run down pile of bricks. They have overgrowth all over it. The bricks are different color. They look like they are literally falling down. It looks kind of unsafe (there are signs posted stating that it is.) It used to provide shelter for troops way back in the day as they defended the fort there on the water front. Its all musty, dark, dirty. But when I look at it, in the middle of all the ruins, dirt and darkness, I see a heart. Do you see it? You see sometimes, we see what we look for and sometimes we see what we open our mind to.
This blog is a journey. It’s a journey of how I do not allow my “madness” to control or dominate my life. You can, too. I no longer hide in the shadows. Then, too, I don’t parade it on the front porch. I’m not embarrassed that I am rapid cycling bi-polar 1. I own who I am. I am a Mad Princess Saved by Grace. Join me for life’s perspective, tips, advice and just thoughts. See you soon!
Comments are closed