Commitment to Excellence

On Tuesday and Thursday nights, I drive my son to night school. I don’t always like doing it. OK, I rarely like doing it. I would rather come home and go to bed or just, “veg.”  When we signed up for the class, it was a great idea. He was taking college classes (he is 16.) I was so proud. I told myself, “you can do anything for a short period of time.” This short period of time seems like forever some weeks. For him, I do it. I do wish it would hurry up.

It doesn’t help that I did not factor anything into the equation when I agreed to this. I did not take into consideration that during this time period I would be going through a MAJOR (not minor) drug shake up. Not that it is an excuse but there are evenings when sitting here waiting on him feels like torture. I cannot sit still. My mind races. Sometimes I hear things in the hall way. I’ll sit in the car.

My husband, bless him, is using this to help me with  commitment. I asked him to. I signed up for it; I will see it through. I cannot “pawn” it off on anyone. I cannot ask for a reprieve. I cannot bail just because I feel I need to or want to or as in the case next week have to. You see, I committed myself and I need to see it through. I need to remain as committed in the middle and the end as I was in the beginning regardless of how I “feel.” It’s not easy; it isn’t convenient; it isn’t always fun but it is part of what I signed up for. There are nights when I say, “It’s only driving him to school.” Yes, it’s driving him to school but it is more than just driving him to school.

Often times, committing ourselves to something seems all glamorous until we have to get our hands dirty. An “unquiet mind” like mine, well, I love causes. I will often over commit. Not on purpose but because there are times and periods when I cannot seem to judge what is “enough” or “too much” or look down the road.  By looking down the road I mean, the intentions are good and my heart is pure but I have to be honest. If the commitment is for more than 4-5 weeks of steady 2-3 days, I need to be honest with myself and someone else. My moods may cycle in and out to the point that I just… can’t. I can force myself but at some point during that time period I am going to have a day or two when I am not going to want to or I am not going to “feel” well.

It is on those days when I have a decision to make. I can put on my big girl panties and force myself to give some sort of effort to honor the commitment or I can simply give in and not do it. Typically it depends on how “bad” it is and the situation.  I have come to realize that I can and should push myself to certain points. After that, it really isn’t a good idea. No one truly wants to deal with “pushed past THAT point” me.

I had gotten to a point when my moods were causing more of those days and I was battling or at least felt like I was battling myself more than I was making commitments to succeed. That is why I did, what to me, had been taboo my whole life… changed my meds. The past 7-8 weeks have been, for the lack of a word that doesn’t use color explicatives or profanity to make a sailor blush, crappy. I know that it is on the downward side of it all meaning hopefully the process is almost over. Hopefully, there will be only one maybe two more drug changes. What I did not know going into this process was the toll it had on your entire body.  Sure, it goes without saying that your “head” is all jacked. But your stomach, your digestive system, your hands and feet (yes, they are cold or hot all the time) it can cause blurry vision… you have no clue. It just messes you all up. I am truly ready for it to level out.

But I am committed to seeing it through. Sure. It would be easy to stop, especially when my body was going through withdrawals, and just give it what it wanted. It would have immediately made me feel better. When tapering off the one drug… headache ragging… simple solution… just give it the drug I was coming off of. But what would happen when tried coming off it the next time? Commitment… I had to see this through.

I teach high school Sunday School. I love doing it. There is nothing better and more heart warming than sharing God’s word with a bunch of teenagers who stare at you with a glazed look in their eyes – or who always come to class late because they stopped by the fellowship hall to get doughnuts – or who stare at their laps (really they are staring at their phones but they want me to think they are staring at their laps.) They are always tired. They are good kids though.  I use the sentence, “That was not a rhetorical question” when I want them to respond so they know they are supposed to say something. Sometimes it works…

I have learned I learn more preparing my lessons than I ever did sitting in class. That alone makes teaching worth it. I figure if one student picks up one thing, it was all worth it. This past week, I taught on Ruth. I used to confuse Ruth and Esther. Go figure… big difference. I learned a few things from Ruth’s story that can all apply to our lives:

DON’T LET THE PAST HOLD YOU BACK: when we find Ruth she was pretty sad. She was widowed, living with her mother-in-law, she had no children & she was a Moab (uh, they were not favored by the Israelites.)  But for some reason, Ruth still lived in confidence.  She was COMMITTED TO EXCELLENCE in all that she did regardless of her circumstances and she did not allow her past to define her.

SHE WAS FULL OF FAITH: we find in Ruth’s story a woman of incredible and true faith. She showed remarkable faith for a new believer and this new found, true faith only grew. When she told her mother-in-law that she accepted her God and would follow her God, from that moment on, there was no doubt, no disbelief. Ruth demonstrated from the beginning faith many don’t ever obtain.  SHE ACHIEVED COMMITMENT TO EXCELLENCE in her faith and did not waiver.

SHE PROVED REDEMPTION IS POSSIBLE: Because of Ruth’s faith, God would provide what she needed, she found a new home, comfortable provisions, she was accepted and she fell in love with Boaz. Through Ruth, God proved he was everything she needed and He would provide! SHE WAS JUSTIFIED WITH HER COMMITMENT TO EXCELLENCE as she continued to worship God, live in the faith and trust that He would provide.

The final thing we can learn from Ruth is in all we do, good, bad or indifferent, we are and we shall LEAVE A LEGACY. Ruth was blessed by God as part of her redemption in finding Boaz with being married. They were blessed with a child. Their lineage can be traced to David and thru David came Jesus Christ. What an awesome legacy! THERE IS NO LIMIT TO WHAT YOU CAN DO WHEN YOU HAVE A COMMITMENT TO EXCELLENCE FOCUSED ON JESUS CHRIST.

I know after teaching the lesson, I revisited my notes. I resisted them again. I am revisiting them now as I write this. Yes, I want to quit this drug process. I want it to be over.  My commitment to excellence; however, tells me that quitting is not the answer. I want to get in my car and go home. I am very tired and I know when I get home I have to take the medicine I forgot to take before I left which will keep me up. My commitment to excellence tells me; however, my son is my priority.

I think I may change the splash screen on my phone to read, “There is no limit to what you can do when you have a commitment to excellence focused on Jesus Christ.”  Think about the POWER IN THAT!