In my, last post, I took time to remind myself why I started my blog. The “mad princess” part of me is a part I cannot escape as much as I want to. As much as I try, pretend, ignore, educate, medicate, unmedicate, dance with, avoid, pray about it, joke about it, cry about it, etc., it is there. It is a part of me. It has its good days, its bad days; its beautiful sides and its downright ugly sides. I can’t take it off and hang it in the closet; there is no cure. Shoot, I have even read the Latin exorcism in the event it is actually a possession as some seem to think – uh, nope. Sorry. It did not work. I’ve written about it more than once how God helps me manage the wonderful gift he has bestowed upon me. When I truly stop to think about it, it is a gift. My mind does not work like everyone elses. I do not process the world the way everyone else does. I do not think like everyone else – literally, I don’t. I was not made to. I could walk thru life as many do and allow it to control me – my actions – impede my life – much more so than it does. I could give in to periods of euphoric mania, unquiet insanity, painful – both physical and mental – aches, relentless attacks and ultimately despairing darkness but I do not. I have an unmovable faith. It may quiver but it NEVER fails. My God never forsakes me. It is because of this gift He gave me that I have learned to rely more on Him, His Spirit and walk in the miraculous and never failing promises of my Father. This Princess may bend but she shall never break.
Grace. One small little word; one hard concept to understand. The easiest way I know how to explain Grace to someone is like this: imagine you are given a present. It is the most beautiful gift. A perfectly wrapped box. Shiny gold – for all you know it is real gold. The bow is the most beautiful diamond looking bow. The gift itself is addressed to you. It is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. In fact it is so beautiful, you show everyone. Everyone is enamored with how beautiful the gift is. You get so caught up with how beautiful the gift looks, you place the gift on your fireplace mantle. You walk past it every morning and every evening. You smile every time you see it. It is so beautiful. It is just wrapped so beautifully. You wish you could wrap presents like that. Here is the thing. You got so caught up in how the gift looked all wrapped up, you forgot the actual present was inside the wrapping paper. All you had to do was accept it and open it. You had no idea that what was inside the box was so much more valuable, so much more special than what it looked like on the outside. The point is it is a gift. It is free. It does no good if you don’t accept the gift. Looking at it isn’t accepting it. That’s Grace. It’s what’s inside the box. Its a gift given to us but it does us no good if it is never opened; if it just sits on a shelf. It is not given to us to be looked at or admired; it is given to us to be used.
Grace is a mighty and powerful gift. It is from a loving and merciful Father. The hardest part about Grace is accepting it. As Christians, we know we are sinners – whether we openly admit it or not – and fall short of the glory of God. It is only through Grace we are saved. When we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior, open our hearts to the Holy Spirit, we are born again through Grace. Hence, the “saved by Grace” part to my “Mad Princess.”
Where am I going with all this? On our journey with Christ, we as Christians mature in different ways and at different rates of speeds. Often times, Christians forget Christianity is not a religion, it is a relationship. We are not a “do this” or “do that” religion, we are a “Love the Lord with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind and love others as you love yourself” faith. We are called to be like Jesus not like the world. Note: I did not say we are not called to be Jesus but to be like Him. None of us are perfect nor will we ever be. We should never claim to be, either. What we should do is cling to His teachings and examples in order to be more Christ-like. It is only through Christ and a personal relationship with Him will we be able to go to Heaven and escape an eternity in Hell – it is not in our works; it is not in being a good person; it is not in our intentions; it is not in our service to the church – He is the only way.
I read one time that, “Christians unite around Christ and argue about almost everything else.” As a Christian I can attest to the validity of that statement. Have you heard this one? “I do not go to church because it is made up of hypocrites.” I go to church and again, I can attest to the validity of that statement. “Christians don’t practice what they preach.” Again, I raise my hand as I am guilty of that statement as well. “I can’t seem to find a perfect church.” Well you know what, I can’t either. We can go on and on and on and on. The truth of the matter is if you look hard enough, you will find fault. Why? Because Christians are human. We are flawed human beings thus we are not perfect. Hence you will never find the perfect church because churches are made up of people. We don’t always practice what we preach because we are human. We are constantly striving to be better than we were 10 minutes ago when we really wanted to punch you. Of course we are hypocrites; there was only one perfect person to ever live and He died because we were all sinners. And it is true, Christians are united in their belief in Christ. Just like every other human being; however, every thing else is up in the air. We strive for harmony but again, we are human, we are flawed, we are opinionated; hence, we will disagree.
Here is a fact you can take to the bank: I am a highly passionate person by nature. I can be very passive in my passion and I can also be not so passive. I have to be very and I mean VERY conscience of my mood when faced with an issue I am very passionate about. Why? Because I am not always objective in the way I present it. I am also not always open minded. In certain moods, I have the shortest fuse and other times I will sit there quietly without a care in the world or quietly seethe in my mind having a silent conversation decimating all or I can be all congenial and polished with the cutest southern accent. It really is like a crap shoot. It is also quite tiring. Have you ever prayed not to care? Asked God to let you hear and listen but not take it on? Not retain it? Not think about a word you were hearing? Please Father, I beg you, open my heart to what is going on but close my mind to it. Please do not let me feel one way or another. Do not let me mull over it. Do not let me ponder, think or take it on. Father, I ask that this part just goes blank and you fill me with Your warmth. Seriously, I pray that A LOT. If you do not know what it is like to not be able to take on feelings, emotions, data, information – to turn off your brain – trust me, you are abundantly blessed.
When I am particularly passionate about an item, point, issue, feeling, etc. and feel so moved, I will speak up and more often than not, it comes across as aggressive. I really do not mean for it to. I am not by nature an aggressive person. I can be argumentative especially when I think I am not being heard but more importantly understood. (I speak so low no one hears me half the time anyway…) Over the years I have resolved myself to the fact that unity in the church is more important than speaking up. I gave up arguing because, honestly, it was not worth it. I lost my temper over an item that was very important to me and after that I decided I would never again fight anything in the church. I did not go to church for the people I went for God. I was commanded to love people, not like them.
As I have served since then in the church and grown more in my knowledge of God’s Word, I have come to realize the command of unity is always there but in Romans 12:18 it states, “if possible.” Say what? The men of the Bible were no angels, my friends. They were strong men with strong feelings and very strong convictions. Note, I said strong feelings and strong convictions. (There is hope for me yet!) I have studied Paul and Barnabas. Both were great men and at one time, good friends. They came to a point where they argued and argued violently we are told based on a conviction. On a conviction… either could have been right depending on how you viewed it. They could not, based on how they felt, reconcile. They separated both going their separate ways but continuing to share the Gospel. Paul reminds us over and over about the importance of unity within the body and I truly believe knowing his discourse makes it even more important as believers.
As we grow in our faith, we are led by the Holy Spirit. My gifts are mine and mine alone. I am to use them as I am instructed. They were given to me with a purpose. My spiritual gifts, without going into a lot of detail, are quite simply Mercy, Empathy and Crazy. (I’ll blog on them later.) I am shown how to use them. My insights are different from others. That is what makes me me. That is why together as a body we are better than we are as individuals – in theory. Again, this whole being human thing gets in the way. We have a tendency to let primal (for a lack of a better term) instincts lead not our spiritual gifts or even our talents and strengths. If you have two people together generally two people will not agree. Here’s the great thing, we do not have to be in agreement on every detail. We can disagree without being disagreeable. (I forget that sometimes.)
When we disagree – whether it is in the church or at home or at work or at the grocery store, we need to remember, we need to disagree with respect not bitterness. I think I am right; they think they are right. Truth is that is our opinion – most of the time – and we need to remember first and foremost, we are dealing with another person not a thing. Nothing we are disagreeing on is worth controlling our lives. Seriously, is the color of the carpet in the sanctuary worth having a heart attack over? The one I need to work on the most is never make it personal – I am disagreeing with the issue not the person; don’t attack the wrong one by mistake. If Bob suggests we turn on all the lights in the church from 10pm to 6am for security reasons, the first thing out of my mouth should not be, “Bob, you are dumber than a box of rocks.” Bob may actually be a rocket scientist; it may not be the greatest idea. When it comes to the church, I do not care what the idea, issue, or argument is – before you argue it, are you arguing it for yourself because it is your issue or are you arguing it for the Lord? If you are arguing it for yourself, you need to sit down, shut up and pray about it because you missed the point. “Well I am tired of the toilet paper being put in under. Clearly, everyone who has ever put in toilet paper knows you put it over so it flows nicely when you pull it down. What does it say to visitors when they come ans see toilet paper under? How will they know to pull it down? They might not get enough then we will have folks sitting in the pew with poop on their bottoms and who can possibly concentrate on the pastor if they are squishy in their britches?” Are you kidding me? God did give us all brains. I am pretty sure anyone who remotely knows what toilet paper is can figure it out. Let’s just make sure there is toilet paper in the bathroom!
I have learned you can hold your convictions firmly yet graciously knowing God may have led someone else differently than He led you. It all comes back to Grace. God forgave me of my sins, my shortcomings, the things that irritate Him that I do – say – think (and I know there is a list so long a super computer couldn’t hold them all.) He commands me to love my brothers and sisters – yes, I throw in the part about not liking them – but that love is unconditional. Grace is a gift I must extend as well. It means just as I am convicted so are others. Just as I have things that get under my skin and urk my nerves, so do others. I can’t just expect everyone to cave to me and my whims and others cannot expect the same. We will all disagree, we will find resolutions, we will make suggestions – the point is to do so with grace. (by the way, we need to open the box…)
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