In my last post, I explained why I named my blog what I did. I don’t think I minced words. I think I was pretty clear about it. I love My God. I strive every day to walk closer to Jesus. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I fellowship with the Holy Spirit.
This is where I need to put my warning label on my blog. Have you noticed how EVERYTHING these days has a warning label? I’m still trying to figure out who the genius was who used a hair dryer in the bath tub and caused them to put a warning label on hair dryers which reads, “WARNING: Risk of electric shock. Do not operate in bath tub.” Really? Who thought it would be a good idea to get in the bath tub, in standing water, soaking wet, grab a hair dryer that was plugged in and turn it on? I have thought about many things. I day dream a lot. I can honestly say; however, that is one thing that has never remotely crossed my mind. I’m in the bath tub to wash my hair not dry it. I just don’t understand.
There are warning labels on just about everything. It truly disturbs me. I’m not kidding. All of the warning labels that appear on so many things keeps me up at night. One of the main reason is I am probably the only person on the planet who reads every single warning label. Yes, I admit it. I read every single label. If there is a label on something I will, at some point, read it. I have to tell you, you can learn some pretty interesting things on labels.
Where was I going with this? First, please do not read this blog in the bath tub if you are on an electric devise. That should go without saying. Just in case you were debating it, let me officially say, this blog should not be read while in the bath tub or shower. But that is not the warning I was trying to associate with my blog. Here it goes:
I am not politically correct. Please do not expect me to be politically correct. I am not talking about politics. Hopefully, I will steer clear of most “political” related topics. I am talking about being sensitive to this or that. I am “old” school. This is my blog. Oh, and I have a “mental illness.” (Yes! the one time I get to play that card!) I just may write things that are not written in a “sensitive” make everyone happy nature. Deal with it. It is who I am. In reading the Bible, Jesus spoke in parables but I do not recall one instance where He censored what He was teaching or saying based on where He was. He was Jesus. He taught. (No, I am not comparing myself to Jesus – I am merely pointing out Jesus was not PC.)
Being rapid cycling bi-polar I have the opportunity to experience feelings with great intensity and very rapidly and all at the same time. In saying this, I may write slower than my mind works. Loosely translated, I may be writing at one speed but my brain may be operating at a completely different speed and because of this nothing makes sense. Well, Carrie, just proof read it and fix it, you say. Uh, guess what? My brain once again has the last laugh. You see, it knows what it thought and it sees what was typed and depending on the wording says, “yep, that about sums it up. You got the point across.” The majority is there and it filled in the blanks so I really couldn’t tell that a whole bunch was missing. It isn’t until a day or two later when I go back and read it. Oh my, that is horrible! What people must think… did I really publish that?
I am quite opinionated. I will be sharing opinions. If I am depressed, you will be able to tell. If I am manic, trust me, there will be no doubt. Big warning – there are times when I do not have a filter. Its true. Even I am shocked at what comes flying out of my mouth. Those are the days where I am pretty sure my guardian angel is drinking. Days when satan is too afraid to mess with me, “Nope. She’s crazy enough. I am not even going there.” There are days when the Holy Spirit is wearing roller skates trying to keep up with me and I know He has his hands up in the air in frustration and He is looking to God who is standing there with His arms stretched out wide waiting to hug me saying, “That’s my girl.” And ALL of that will come out in my blog.
There are days when, really, I just do not want to go on. When I do not feel I can handle anything any longer. Days when I do not care what anyone thinks about me. There are days when I want to be funny. Days when I do not like “my condition” and I am fed up with it.” There are days when I am Polly Anna Sunshine and rainbows will come forth from my armpits and light up the sky. There are days when I can save the planet merely by blinking. Yes, the warning is I will be sharing all of these sides with you. You may even be subject to… a colorful explicative here and there (gasp.)
I warn you of all this because being rapid cycling bi-polar is not something that can be turned on and off like a light switch. Let’s see, I think I will be “normal” while I write my blog then go back to being “bi-polar” when I am done. What? If my mood is off then hate to say it, my post is going to be a little off. Take this post. I started thinking about what I was going to write two days ago. It has changed a couple times since I drafted it in my head. The funny part, it completely changed the moment I sat down and started typing. I’ve had an icky day. I also ran across this article yesterday by some turd who claims that folks with mental illness – get this – are sinners. That’s right. Mental illness is nothing but an excuse to hide our sinful lifestyle. Well damn. I am not living my life right then. (We will address THAT ignorance in a future post. Trust me.) So, my mood has been exasperated to the point I think I am rambling a bit.
The warning label for this blog is you get me. You get me warts and all. I am not perfect. I am an honest sinner. I fall short of so many things. I truly struggle some days.
My office, you will learn, has many things hanging in it. Two of my favorite quotes were inspiration for today’s post. “Leaders win through logistics. Vision sure. Strategy yes. But when you go to war, you need to have both toilet paper and bullets at the right place at the right time. In other words you must win through superior logistics.” I sometimes feel like there is a war going on inside my head. Yet I refuse to be defeated! I learned a long time ago and I cling to it today, God is in control. I have to lean on Him. I can; however, and I must be an active leader in my life. I cannot let anything or anyone defeat me. What is logistics? Webster’s defines logistics as “the handling of the details of an operation.” So lets look at this. What we have here is OPERATION PRINCESS CARRIE. I WILL handle the details of this operation as handed to me from God, yes? He will give me the ammunition I need to defeat the enemy (i.e. bullets) and I need to make sure I get the toilet paper for the little messes along the way.
I have a quote that reads, “Mother Teresa didn’t walk around complaining about her thighs, she had s&^t to do.” You know what, I bet that was true. I can’t imagine in all I have read and studied about her, I can’t imagine her complaining about her thighs – them being to fat, rubbing together, not fitting into stockings. Bottom line, she didn’t sweat the small stuff, the petty stuff, the insignificant stuff. Mother Teresa focused on what mattered. I am sure she didn’t have nor would she want a warning label.
I guess the purpose of this post is to say, hey, I’m human. Uh, posts are not going to be polished so coming back every week you might want to keep that in mind. Remember, my mind doesn’t work like every one else. And you know what, I am OK with that. I hope you are. If not, thats ok, too. Hope you’ll come back later this week so we can see how the logistics is working… and I promise not to mention anyone’s thighs.
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