My bestest friend asked me a question. She asked me if I were wanting to treat myself special what would I do? Like if I were feeling really terrible and sad and low, what would I do to help myself? Hmmmmmm. Guess what? I did NOT have to think about it. I did not hesitate. I did not have to mull over THAT question for a single second.
It wasn’t because I “treat” myself “special” on any sort of basis. But I can tell ANYONE what I do when I am feeling really terrible and sad and low… or moody and can’t face the world… or if it is all too “people-ly” out there… I hibernate in my cave.
My cave. It is a magical place. It is a place that knows no judgement. It is 100% supportive. It always seems to be there, too. It can handle rage, tears, mumbling, exasperation, desperation, exhaustion and believe it or not, it can handle a combination of them all. Its a magical place that will literally become whatever I need it to be at that moment. If I need it to be warm, its warm. If I need it to be cool, its cool. If I need it to be firm, its firm. If I need it to be cushy, well then, it is cushy. I normally keep my cave dark. I don’t like a lot of light in my cave but there is light and guess what? I can control that too! If you haven’t figured it out yet, my cave is my bed! Yes, I love my bed. It is huge, king size, takes up most of my bed room and sits pretty high up (I have to like step up a bit to get on it.) It is my refuge. Most of the time if I am home, you can find me in my cave.
Most of the time, I just retire to my cave. It is where I relax. Some people have their recliners; their favorite place on the couch. I have my cave. I love to curl up in my PJs, watch news or catch up on my favorite show or watch a movie or check something out on Netflix, Amazon Prime or OnDemand. I work from my cave. You will find me with my iPad, Mac, PC, phone and notebooks all spread out and I am working away.
I feel safe in my cave. In my cave, I can relax. I don’t feel stressed. No matter what I am working on or what has happened, I feel like I can relax in my cave. For me, my cave is better than a bubble bath.
On days when it is really bad, when I NEED my escape, when my moods are crazy, when I am not functioning at my best, when I have the cries or I can’t seem to turn my brain off, my cave is my escape. After I have spent time in my prayer closet, I can put on my softest lounge clothes and climb into my cave. I can pull the blankets up to my eyeballs and I am safe. I can breathe. I give it to God and lay there.
Now, don’t get me wrong. It isn’t like my brain turns off. I have a secret weapon… Supernatural TV Show. (oh, just wait for the posts on that!) You see, I learned awhile back that being rapid cycling bi-polar 1 was not all sunshine and flowers. I was determined I was not going to let it control me; I was going to control it. God did not make junk and He did not make me broken. Therefore, I could conclude He would give me the strength and the resources I needed to battle this disease/condition/thing. I also realized, in order to do that, I would need to rely on Him. You see, God will put us in situations we can’t control to show us He is in control. He also gives some of His toughest battles to His toughest soldiers. When I grasped and mastered those 2 concepts, I started learning how to manage (note I didn’t say control, master, conquer, overcome, defeat – I said manage) my madness. And by doing that, it made all the difference.
I learned going to my cave and watching Supernatural – I trained my brain LITERALLY – to know it was safe, calm – and I could sleep. It was training. Sorta like that mindfulness crap I try all the time just in a different manner. (OK, it isn’t crap but sometimes I think it is…) I used to picture the Holy Spirit there – remember me telling you the Holy Spirit has to wear roller skates to keep up? I used to picture the Holy Spirit taking off His skates and laying next to me and we would talk. Now, it is just natural. I think that is why my cave is so calming… that and Supernatural.
Joshua 1:9 states, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” In other words, BE BOLD. I am commanded to be bold. God is with me. Did Jesus not tell us that the Holy Spirit is with us here on earth? So who is with me in my cave? Isaiah 41:10, “Fear not, For I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand.” Does that not clearly tell me that He will help me? He will strengthen me? He is with me. He is holding me up… so as I am in my cave, I am clinging to Him and in Him I find what?
“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you: not as the world gives, give I to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nether let it be afraid.” John 14:27. That is a promise from Jesus. That is what I find… peace. Why do I find peace in my cave? Because I seek Him first. When I absolutely, positively just need to retreat – whether it is manic or depressed or both – I start in my prayer closet. I take it to God first. I humble myself before Him – my Creator – my Father – and I lay it at His feet.
And after I have sought the Lord – given it all over – I crawl into my cave – watched over by the Holy Spirit – and binge watch Supernatural! It truly is THE BEST medicine.
Not everyone believes in me. Not everyone supports me. But God loves me. God goes with me and THAT is what sustains me! He can do it for you, too. Ask Him. It just takes faith.
(speaking of my cave… I really could use some quality cave time…)
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