Its Who I am

Its been a few weeks since I wrote a post. I have no real excuse. Its who I am. There may be time periods in this blogging journey when this happens. A week or two or three may pass when I won’t write. It isn’t that a “blog” entry won’t have been written… in fact, several have been. They just haven’t been put down “on paper” if you will.

I’ve had a few “challenges” I guess you can say. But I want to stop right there. Does not every one have challenges? Do those of us gifted with bi-polar illness hold a monopoly on life’s challenges? Nope! I do not think so. Sometimes, life screams at us very loudly. Sometimes very colorful. Sometimes very vividly. Sometimes like a freight train. Sometimes with every one of the five senses and a few no one knew existed; however, we do get to claim we are the only ones who struggle.

With that being said, we can say that some of our struggles are, shall we say, unique. We can say that some of our struggles are “louder” and much more proportional to us than others.  By that, I mean we have struggles that others do not and cannot understand. Sometimes, let’s be perfectly honest, we don’t understand them.

Speaking of not understanding them, why are there so many articles and blogs and videos and what not describing what bipolar IS? Really? Do we honestly need to know what the symptoms are? Come on. When we get depressed, how many of us or for that matter how many of us who care for someone who is bipolar (I or II) spend time looking up to make sure that is what it is? You already know you are or they are bipolar. Do we really need to keep validating it? Do we think it is mysteriously going to morph into something else? A new symptom is going to “pop” up and change it? Does it make us feel better to, once a month, see our symptoms spelled out? Yes, I have that, that, that, yes, yes, yes, yes, oh, I am bi polar. Oh, my…. still bipolar.

The funny thing is ALL those articles do is reinforce what we already know. It does not change anything. There is no magic cure embedded in the words on the page. We do not walk away with a secret answer. We don’t leave with something we didn’t have when we started reading it in the first place. The sad part is we knew that when we started reading it. It is like we wanted validation. We needed to know that, Yes, that is me. I have that. WE ALREADY KNEW IT.

Here’s a tip: there is no magic cure. One size does not fit all. What works for one may not work for another. Why? Because we are all FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE! God made us all special and unique. Got that? I am not broken. I am not crazy. I am a child of God who happens to be touched with, what the world (key here) the world, classifies as madness. (OK, in all fairness, on certain days, I classify it as madness.) I can share with you how I deal with my “illness.”  In so doing, you can evaluate yourself and say, “hmmmmm. I haven’t tried that. That just may work for me.”  And then, you can take it and make it your own.

There area few things that are common across the board. Medicines. This is a great example – we all do not take the same medicine at the same dose. If we were all the same and a cookie cutter approach worked, then wouldn’t we all take the same medicine and the same dose? Think about it.  We aren’t the same, so some folks take one drug while others take another. We are built different so medicines work different with different chemistry within different people’s bodies. You need to find a good doctor – or at least a doctor that has some common sense. Inevitably, you will find that some form of medicine is needed for a bipolar patient. For years, I tried to treat myself without medicine.

Psychotherapy. Talk therapy is effective if you have a good therapist. You need to make sure the therapist is one who understands bipolar patients. Make sure they are a licensed medical professional. The key here is make sure they understand you. They need to know you in your ups, downs and normal states. To be effective, this is key. They need to understand your belief system and not push their beliefs off on you. Shop around if you need to. You can be harmed by therapists so it is imperative that you find one that truly have your best interest at heart.

Support network. This consists of family and close friends. You need to open up and communicate.  That is not always easy but it is important. When you have bad days, tell them. When you are “off” tell them.  When you are not “you” tell them. This just doesn’t apply to when you are depressed but manic and cycling as well. Keep them in the loop about your medicines. They are your biggest supporters. They are the ones that are around you the most and they see you the most. They love and care about you. You will find that it is much easier just to be open with them.

Coping mechanisms. Develop coping mechanisms that are catered to you. You know yourself the best. I said it above – no cookie cutter approach fits all. You will find that certain things helps you best. Incorporate these activities into your practices for your moods. Train your brain. (I’ll be going over some of my coping mechanisms in later posts… of course I am going to share mine. Maybe if I share mine, you can get an idea for yours.) Have these ready to go when you need them and practice them.

Routine. It is cliche but bipolar people need routine. Its not that we are OCD (although at certain points in cycles, we can get that way) but routine is comfortable. And what routines do for us is gives us stability. When we are manic or depressed or cycling through moods, routine gives us something that is stable. Our perception is often skewed, routines are a way to have us focus.  It is very important to stick with a routine, even when we do not feel like it.

If we keep those things in mind, we have a foundation upon which we can move forward.  But let us stop for a moment. Look at those things.

• medicine
• therapy
• support network
• coping mechanisms
• routine

One could apply those 5 things to ANY illness, disease, disability, etc.  NOT JUST BIPOLAR (I or II) could they not?  Think about it.  If I had heart disease – I would be on medicine, the therapy for it may be with a shrink or physical therapy, I’d have a support network who would aide me in keeping to my diet & exercise, etc, I’d have coping mechanisms, and it would be critical for me to have a routine in order to get my heart back in shape.  If I was diabetic – I would have medicine maybe even shots; the therapy may be physical therapy (especially if it had progressed to where I was loosing my eye sight or use of limbs), my support network is critical to make sure I ate right, checked my blood sugar, exercised, knew the signs to look for when my blood sugar was too high or too low; coping mechanisms – these are definitely needed especially when I want to eat something I cannot have, when I am at events with others, when Im sick and my blood sugar is “off”; routine – it is imperative that a diabetic has a routine.

I can go on and on… but I think you get the point.  Bipolar is an illness. Is it serious? It can be. It can be debilitating. I write all these posts to help – not just others- but myself as well. There are days when I just don’t function. Is that OK? Is it OK when the diabetic can’t function? When the person with heart disease is too sick to function? Do we fault them? Or do we tell them to get well? Do we let them take a sick day? Of course we do! So why wouldn’t a bipolar person take a sick day? What we don’t want is a bipolar month.

I write these posts because I hope it helps someone – maybe someone with bipolar – maybe someone who cares for someone with bipolar – someone who knows someone who is bipolar. But I wrote them mainly for me. I need to remind myself I am not my illness; I am not my condition. It is difficult to do some days. Some days, its easier just to bask in the “ick” rather than push through (uh, support network or coping mechanisms and if really bad, therapist)

Pastor Louie Giglo (if you have never listened or read anything by him, I highly recommend it) has a quote I love…”Accept the fact that you’re never gonna be someone else and embrace the fact that the world needs you as God made you to be.”  AMEN!!!!

God doesn’t make junk! I have always said that I am not broken… I may be bent but I’m not broken. God made me this way for a reason. That is why I lean heavily on Him. Shame says that because I am flawed I am unacceptable… that is what the world tries to make me feel. But GRACE says that though I am flawed, I AM CHERISHED.

You know what you have (you’re bipolar or insert your whatever), so stop looking it up. The bigger question is, what are the things you do to help yourself?

The biggest question – do you know who you are? Mad Princess Saved by Grace – its who I am!