Yes, it has been awhile since I last posted but I am going to make a very determined effort not to let it happen again. I have no real excuse and anything I can say would be just that… an excuse.
The past few months have been, in all honesty and in the the interest of trying to stay “upbeat” about it, an adventure. Not the kind of adventure you would go to a theme park and pay hundreds of dollars and spend months in breathless anticipation for. More like the type of adventure you get when you amble into the forest, get lost, it pours down rain, you hear every conceivable noise, there appears to be some sort of creature lurking about and you spend all your time to avoid what is lurking in the shadows and constantly reminding yourself you are a child of God and nothing will harm you… not to mention if it did you are prepared to meet your maker with arms wide open so BRING IT!
One thing that has transpired is “I was voted off the island” upon which I was employed. What does that mean? That basically means in the terms used by island officials, in order to save overhead costs, my “position” was eliminated in the budget thus, I was laid off. It officially meant it had nothing to do with me or my performance or the overall success of operations, it was merely a business decision. After ten years of casting my anchor on the shores of that island, this crew member has their opinions on the matter but that is an entirely different subject all together. As I hoisted my anchor into my dingy for the last time and set sail, all I remember seeing through teary eyes were pirate flags. Was it a mirage? Time will tell.
As I sit in the middle of the vast ocean with a compass determining where to cast sail to next, I am grateful for so many things. It took me a few days (OK, in all honesty a few weeks) to get to that point. Loosing a job was not something one anticipates especially when it is out of the blue and for no logical reason. That’s just it. Things don’t always have a reason. Emotions run rampant. Every conceivable emotion. The problem is, you forget you are sitting in a dingy in the middle of the ocean. Its really not an ideal location to, “loose it.”
That is where all the preparation comes in. Controlling my mood for years and years has been a blessing in this process. But do you know what THE one true blessing has been? Jesus. I can not tell you how many times I have gotten on my knees and prayed. I have cried, questioned, begged, cried, asked, sat in silence, used scripture and just been in His presence. Scripture has reminded me time and time again that many are the plans of man but it is the Lord’s plans that prevail. Sometimes, God closes doors because its time to move forward. He knows you won’t move forward unless your circumstances force you. In life, we are to obey God’s commands in the midst of ALL storms of life – not just endure them but to do right while they rage. 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. And I have learned, while sitting in my dingy, in the middle of the ocean trying to figure out where to go next, Joy (which trust me on this my friends… Joy is the serious business of Heaven) Joy doesn’t come when you try to hold it all together; it comes when YOU LET GOD HOLD YOU!
I cannot for the life of me figure out how a compass works. Really. Let’s be honest, being bi-polar, if my “poles” are off, is it any wonder? My sense of direction is lucky to get me to church, the grocery store and home and that is given there are no road detours. Even with a GPS, I have been known to get lost. Read a map, you say… uh, I can, if it is clearly marked, “this is the top… hold up” and “this is the bottom.” If not, I may have it upside down, backwards, sideways and may even have the wrong country. Granted, I am a highly intelligent person. But there is something about that sort of thing which does not come naturally. But I take comfort. Why? Because again, I have Jesus. Does scripture not say, “…in ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path?” When I grab my compass, I put it in the hands of the Holy Spirit. There is not nor ever will be a better or more qualified navigator.
Granted, as I float through these waters I see the occasional shark or school of what I think are piranha. I even think I saw a megladon a week ago and didn’t think I was going to make it. Granted, we all know my perception can be skewed a bit. My moods have run a bit rampant. I do long for the safety of the shore. But if I had it, I’d miss the dolphins and the clown fish and the coral and the magnificent sunsets and all the glory of God’s creations I’ve been too scare and too complacent to remotely consider. Does danger exist here? I’m sure it does? Will I eventually reach the shore? I know I will. Does God have a plan? Of course He does. The Holy Spirit is navigating, after all. I just have to do my part.
One of the hardest parts, for me, is remembering I am not called to judge. I am not called to harbor animosity. It would be so easy to steer my little boat back to the island and reek havoc. By the world’s standards, some would. I however, am commanded to love. Forgive. That is not an easy pill to swallow. At first I refused to look at the pill. Then I made excuses that all I had was salt water (I was after all in the ocean.) I finally swallowed the pill. And do you know what happened? I slept. The storms raged, sharks came, the island didn’t explode, I didn’t find a new shoreline, I didn’t mysteriously morph into a grand being but for the first time, I slept peacefully. You see, John 14:27 says, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” Jesus also tells us to Love the Lord with all our heart and all our soul and all our minds AND love our neighbor as yourself. Nowhere did He give us an exception… like if you think they were mean or unfair or unethical or just plain ugly to you. He said love them all. And he said pray for them, too. Trust me, it’s not always easy. But Jesus’ peace is worth it.
So as I sit in my dingy in the middle of the ocean, I have hope, peace, love and joy. I also have a crazy load of moods. I take comfort in knowing that the Holy Spirit is navigating, God is in control and every day I am striving to be more Christ-like. I’ll reach the shore and drop anchor when and where I am supposed to as long as I remember the lessons I have learned along the way. The key is soul shine. “This HOPE we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and stedfast…” I choose to let my soul shine, how about you?
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