Growing up, I was always taught that we do not mourn for the dead but instead, we mourn for the living. As I grew, I understood that more and more. The dead need not be mourned. While they were living, they had a choice. They had the choice to choose everlasting life or not. If they so chose, then here, they were merely passing through. Death was not the end but merely the beginning. It was not something to fear but something to embrace. For those who knew them; for those who loved them and were left with the void they filled, it was a double edged sword. On the one hand, we rejoice knowing they are finally home. We can take comfort in knowing where they are and with whom they are with. That in and of itself should give us a peace nothing on this earth can. On the flip side; however, we are left to carry on without them. There is a hole, a gap, a void that cannot be filled with anyone or anything else. That is a part of being human. It is a part of caring, of loving, of investing in another that makes it all bittersweet.
Have you ever seen the movie, “Forest Gump?” There is a scene in the movie where Forest is saying good-bye to Jenny and it is heart wrenching. You really have to watch the movie to get the full effect and to understand why the scene is so powerful and moving. As Forest is pouring out his heart at Jenny’s grave he ponders the question is it destiny/fate or our own choosing? Or is it a little bit of both? Are the people in our lives, in our lives by chance or by destiny? Do they serve a purpose or is it all a coincidence? I ask, does it matter? I know that God has a reason for everything. I also know He gave us freewill. I believe if we listen for His direction and follow His Word, we will be on the path He wants us to take. Do we always take the shortest route? Nope. In fact, I am willing to bet most of us take the longest way possible. In saying that, I believe that along the route, we come across people He places on our path both for us and for them. How we chose to interact with them is of course up to us. Not everyone we meet is fated. Some are by chance. The key is do you take the time to figure it out? Does it ever cross your mind? Does it take the death of someone for you to realize maybe, just maybe, they were a part of your journey?
John Donne once wrote, “…every man’s death diminishes me for I am a part of mankind…” It is one of my favorite quotes. In an age where “if it bleeds it leads” doesn’t really apply anymore because nothing is too shocking or horrific for print or television, does a person’s death truly affect anyone? No. If there is a mass shooting or a terrorist attack, it doesn’t. What does is the details not the actual deaths. It pains me to my core to read the newspaper and see headline after headline. I cannot understand why others do not feel the same. I do not understand why in a tragedy of a mass shooting there is not remorse or shame or hurt not just a focus on details. I do not understand how anyone can watch or read and not cry; not feel a loss at their very core. Why do we not drop to our knees and fervently pray when we hear of a drive by shooting of a gang member or a child sleeping in their bed? Have we so disconnected ourselves from one another that we can say it does not bother us? Or is it because there are no personal connections?
I have a sign on one of my Pinterest boards. Off the top of my head I cannot remember exactly how it reads but it is something to the effect – when I die, don’t bring me flowers. If you cared enough you would have given them to me when I was alive. When I ran across that, it hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. It is true, yes? We send flowers but the truth of the matter is who are we sending them to? It surely isn’t to the deceased. They can’t enjoy them or take them with them. Is it to comfort the grieving? Is it to make ourselves feel better? I remember when my Uncle died, my aunt gave me a plant that had been sent to her on his behalf at the time of his passing. I was determined to do my best to keep this plant alive. I did for awhile. Eventually it died. I cried. Not because I killed the plant. I knew I would eventually because true be told, I kill even cactus. I cried because of what the plant represented. From that moment on, I decided never to send flowers to anyone.
Recently, I watched the new Avengers movie. It is for all intents and purposes a great blockbuster. I despise the ending. What bothers me about it is the villain. Yes, it is just a movie. I get that. I also am perfectly aware I over think things. But here is a villain that so many people can relate to. People root for. Oh, they know he is bad because he opposes the “good” guys but not because of what he does or stands for. Fair and unbiased population control. He is environmentally conscious. Are you kidding me? That is your justification? I am not kidding here. He actually saved entire worlds by what he did. I am not buying into the propaganda. At face value it is a story. Leave it at that. But to justify the slaughter of anyone, even one life, in the manner some do using twisted logic and no reason is wrong. Period. It goes back to the de-humanization I eluded to above. If the villain merely wanted ultimate reign over the universe and domination over all, cool. That makes him evil. Randomly killing half of a world’s population to save it does not make him a hero no matter how you spin it. Trying to do so, either outright or implied, is wrong. There is no empathy or sympathy warranted. Here is the sad part. The characters we came to enjoy all perished. We watched them die. The great thing about the Marvel Universe is there is the chance they can return. We take comfort in knowing the end of this ill fated movie is leading to a great sequel where there is hope for a revival. There is the chance that our favorites will return and save the universe once again. We haven’t seen the last of them yet. That’s the great thing about movies.
In real life; however, there isn’t a sequel. In life, we will experience the loss of many. Some may be expected, anticipated and some may be tragic or unexpected. In that sense, death is a part of our life’s experience. I have recently taken to heart all I have written here. Flowers are for the living; send them while you can. Cherish the moments you have with loved ones and friends – regardless of how close you are. Do not take for granted the small things for in the end, they become the big things. It doesn’t matter if it was fate or chance, make the most of your relationships. If they are healthy, nourish them. If they are unhealthy, take a close look at them to see if they need attention or need to go. Never forget that we are all in this together. It is never okay to turn a blind eye or hardened heart. Everyone is someone’s mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, nephew, aunt, uncle, daughter, son, friend, etc. Its never too late to make sure someone knows Jesus. You should never be too busy to make time for a friend or family (it doesn’t have to be right then but make the time.) And sometimes, a movie is just a movie.
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