It’s Thanksgiving. Time to take a moment to reflect on all the things we are thankful for in our lives. A time to be grateful for the blessings in our lives. Oh who are we kidding? It is a stressful time of running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to make sure we have all the bases covered for the inevitable family get-together.
You know what I am talking about and don’t act like you don’t. The calls or texts started a couple weeks ago. Are you coming? What are you bringing? What are you cooking? Are you going? I’m not going if you’re not going? So in so better not start anything because I am NOT in the mood. The wording may be different but you know you have heard it. Over the years, you have attended so many Thanksgiving get-togethers if you added them all up you could probably feed a small country.
Look, I love my family. I do. I love them all. They are family. I will go visit them, spend time with them, do what ever they ask me to do. But when we all get together, sometimes, just sometimes, I’d rather be getting a root canal – with no pain medicine. Over the years, they have morphed into gatherings that differ from what I remember as a child. Of course, I am an adult now and I can see things differently. Some members are no longer with us and that makes a huge difference. Other members have grown older and that makes a difference. Some members have quit coming and that makes a difference. Should it really be that way?
Being a highly moody person, these gatherings can take a toll. Especially Thanksgiving. Growing up, Thanksgiving was a time when we not only celebrated the holiday but we also celebrated my papa’s birthday. After all, they always seemed to fall right around the same time. And to top it all off, my birthday was 4 days after his so rather than celebrate my birthday as a separate day, we just threw that in the mix. It was just one jolly grand celebration. It lasted a few hours and it was all over. All of it.
I’m just not big on Thanksgiving I guess for that reason. There was a time when Black Friday was actually on black Friday not the weeks before or on Thanksgiving Day. And despite how dysfunctional the family was, it was somewhat fun. You knew how everyone was and you basked in the craziness of it all. You laughed at the stupidity of most things; sucked up the insults which you had prepared for since Halloween; ate food until you needed elastic; took pictures to last until Christmas or the following year (depending on who may or may not come for the Christmas bash;) watched old, boring television which was normally parades, sports or some war movie; heard the same stories you had heard a thousand times; thought to yourself at least once or twice that there was a pretty good chance there was a mix up at the hospital because you could not possible share the same genes as some of these in the room; looked around and asked yourself where did all the time go and inevitably try six or eight times to leave unsuccessfully.
Holidays should not be emotionally draining. But they are. When you are depressed it makes it worse. The sad part is, when you are blessed with a touch of “madness” sometimes the holiday itself is a trigger. Add in your family and you have a recipe for a massive mood shift. It is OK. In recent years, I have accepted this to be the case and opted not to be “pollyAnna” socialite. I will go to my family’s get together but I usually stop there. I feel rather bad about it because I love my husband’s family and my dad’s family and know in my heart I should go see them but physically and emotionally I cannot. I also can’t come right out and tell them, “Look, this holiday sucks for me. It is a trigger and to be honest, as much as I love you, I really can’t be around people because I, more than likely, will not be a pleasant person after about 10 minutes.” To be honest, I get ancy at my family’s after about 15 minutes. I’d be happy just staying home.
This year is a little harder because it’s been a “hard” wiggle for the past couple months (soon to become a struggle but I keep the faith.) Without fail, someone and I can place bets on who, will say, “Have you found a job yet?” with which I would love to respond, “Have you found Jesus?” or “Have you pulled your head out of your ass yet? Well, then…” but I will smile. I come from a family with no tact. In fact, the number one topic will be – who has the most health aliments. If you let the conversation brew, it will almost seem like a contest. Just start talking about yourself and the topic will change. No one likes to hear about you… remember that. Inevitably, someone will get offended, someone will get their feelings hurt, storming out will occur and everyone will act like they did not know why.
As of late, our Sunday School lessons have been about the early patriarchs of the Bible. You know, the families that started it all. Let’s just stick with the lineage that we know God promised – Abraham, Issac and Jacob. We know these were great men and men upon which a great nation was built. But have you really studied them? In them I find a bit of hope. Talk about your dysfunctional family. Read Genesis. Before you start cooking for Thanksgiving or start your trek to the family gathering, take a few moments to read about this family. Doubt. Deception. Lies. Favoritism. Incest. Hatred. Arguments. Plotting. Disobedience. Division. These were the people God chose? What in the world? Family acts that way towards one another?
Why yes, yes they do. And yes, yes He did. You see, in all their ugliness, in all their sin, in all their “human”ness, God had a plan. He showed Mercy and extended Grace. He opened their hearts and used them for a purpose greater than themselves. It was never about them… it was about Him. In all their flaws, in all their schemes, in all their “leaning on their own understanding” in the end, God prevailed. His plans far outweighed any shortcoming they may have had. He knew their hearts. For all their screwed up, messed up, jacked up and questionable acts along the way, they were truly repentful and in the end, servants of the Almighty. They turned from their evil and “human” ways to fulfill what God intended for them to do.
God wanted us to see families are complicated. God wanted us to know we are human and cannot accomplish anything without Him. When we stray from His way, His word, His direction, we are going to fail. We are not given a perfect anything. Only He is perfect. That is why we trust in Him and lean on Him. “Many are the plans of man but it is the Lord’s plans that prevail.” He can take anyone and use them. He never goes back on His promises. Doesn’t that give you comfort and hope? It should give you reason to praise Him and erase all doubts you may have. It should also give you reason to enter into any family gathering like a boss! God’s got this! I am sure Leah was not singing and dancing at family gatherings. But she still went. And from her and her son came the lineage that bore Jesus.
It still does not make it easy. I still do not like Thanksgiving. I still am not a huge fan of family get-togethers. I like being at home with my immediate family. And again, I stress, I love my family, I do. They really do put the FUN in dysfunctional. And if you point that out I may throat punch you… just saying. I guess I am blessed to know that I come from a very, very, very, very long line of imperfect dysfunction. And that’s OK. God gave us family for a reason and He makes no mistakes. So bring on the fun, right? Ugh…
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